As summer merges into autumn and bikini panic begins to ebb away along with the cares you had about your ever growing leg hair, the strange month of September rolls around, signalling the end of Summer. A time which over the years has had so much significance now does nothing to remind you that you know longer have Summer Holidays and are a fully fledged adult. This time signals the end of summer festivals and daytime drinking and reminds us that the sun cannot last forever…But just when you thought it was all over, the last festival of the season approaches with gathering speed. Thanks to the genius that is Rob Da Bank and his empire, Sunday Best, we are lucky enough to have Bestival. For four days Robin Hill Park on the Isle of Wight is overrun with nutters dressed up to the nines and dancing their little wellies off to some of the biggest names in music at the UKs biggest fancy dress party. And there are only two days to go!!
Now, at some point, everyone has to lose their Festivirginity, and I am no different, I spent weeks before Bestival 2013 googling ‘Festival Survival Tips’ and honestly, its not about surviving, its about giving in to fun for four straight days, dancing your little socks off and wearing more glitter than you could shake a Drag Queen at! So here are my three top tips for the Best(ival)
- Stop giving a shit about needing to shit. Yes its number one on my list (hilarious) and it seems it is the thing that bothers festival goers the most. So let me lay it out on the line for you. You will wait awkwardly in line to take a shit in a foul porta-loo. There will be pee on the floor and the seat, you may even find a little excrement art to admire while you do your thing. You will then come out into what will hopefully be glorious sunshine looking a little ashamed. But so does everyone else, so don’t worry about it. Everybody Poops, and it is never more apparent than at a festival. Just deal with it. TOP TIP: There are sawdust toilets in less crowded areas where you take a cup of sawdust in to cover your business like a cat, fun and eco-friendly, what could be better!
- Make friends. Everyone is there to have fun, get fucked up and dance like a lunatic, so make friends with your camping neighbors because in the battlefield that is the campsite, its always worth having an ally to watch your shit. TOP TIP: give them a ciggie or a toke, offer a beer or some brioche, do their glitter for them and help them set up camp, because when you stumble into the wrong tent at 4am in a whirlwind of beer farts and sequins, its better to have someone say “oh babe, fucked it”, than “get the fuck out”.
- Do not as “is this too much”. Bestival is, as I said, the UKs biggest fancy dress party, you are there to be outlandish and look fabulous. Plus, I have a theory; after four days of sweating and smoking you will stink, your hair will be greasy and your skin will suck, therefore we plaster ourselves in more and more glitter, wear flowers in our hair and wear ridiculous clothes to mask our putrid scent. Don’t worry, its not just you. Plus with its own carnival style parade, you will never be the sparkliest girl at the party. TOP TIP: Use vaseline to secure glitter, comes right off with a face wipe and keeps you well moisturised. Use eyelash glue for pompoms, feathers and gems (you’re welcome)
Thats it. Go out and have fun.
Oh, and if you see some fuckhead wearing this, you found me!