They have this atrocious ability to creep back into your mind when you least expect it, these sneaky bastards. You’ll be casually sitting on the train, brain idling and all of a sudden find yourself wondering whether they’ve cut you out without you knowing (which I suppose is the definition thereof). So, you automatically try to think of something else but they somehow manage to worm their way into thoughts of your summer or whether you are going to join the gym near work. They have no business there; they are usually quite well confined to the realms of hopeless fantasy and past conquests, straddling worlds, one foot there, the other in the confusing compartment housing a mixture of lust and pity. Then, without warning, they’ve seeped everywhere like sludge after a landslide caused by a stampede. You can’t even ponder about whether to wear tights tomorrow without remembering whipping them off that time, which you still refuse to regret. The most maddening thing is knowing that you probably haven’t had even a scrap of this effect on him, he’s off swanking about like fucking Mufasa while you sit in the Elephant Graveyard wondering what the fuck happened to the strong woman you used to be .
And what’s lurking on the horizon? In the dark shadow of the badlands is the day they make their tumultuous reappearance and you have to deal with it. Fuck that for a laugh! You have got to be kidding. You have just hurled yourself back into being you, seeing friends, solidly filling the diary from here to September, every day crammed with the things you should have been doing when you were wasting your precious time with Mr Indecision, Mr Booty Call and Mr I’m Obviously An Asshole But You Haven’t Realized Yet. And just as the sun is at its peak, and you realize that everything the light touches could someday be yours, the storm clouds which had been lurking are suddenly upon you once more and obviously you are caught without an umbrella. It’s a vicious cycle; you lust, you lose, you hurt, you live.
Oh you haven’t seen the light, you are very much still allowing a little sludge between your toes, because what’s the harm, right? Maybe you caught him on (numerous) bad occasions, what if you were actually in the wrong? You weren’t. Well you were, if only in choosing such a subsidiary specimen on which to focus your attention, you complete goddess you. The thing about cycles is how easily they can be interrupted if you have the balls to take the plunge. Smash one step and the whole thing crumbles. Hakuna fucking Matata bitches. There is much to be said for crossing the bridge when you come to it. Worrying about what will happen before it does wastes energy that could be spent making you happy; instead of laying awake at night wondering where it all went wrong, you could be sleeping soundly dreaming of Ian Somerhalder’s eyes roving over you in a crowded bar. Naturally, there is a certain amount of brain wrangling to be done, you must train yourself to prowl through the Savannah of your mind and be completely focused on your own personal hunt. Take pride in being on your own, a sole lioness who knows her way around the wilderness her mind, knows that her profundity cannot be appreciated by all and is fine with that.
Sorry, I forgot where, what and who I was for a second there. DISTRACTION. It is the technique of the great queens of the past who look down on us, tiara’s askew from one too many margaritas up on mount Olympus or wherever. Yes, distraction is an absolute glory sent from on high; and it can come in many many forms. From friends to food, cats to cartoons, restaurants to raves, there is far too much going on for anyone to get hung up on one of the 7.5 billion human beings on planet earth. They say there’s a place where the passion fruit grows sweet, and its so divine that you’ll lose your mind as it sweeps you off your feet. However, there is no map and no compass, so its a case of stumbling through unknown territory, taking wrong turns and reaching dead ends before you get caught in another storm. So what can you do when you feel the air getting thick around you, the disquieting calm before the gathering tempest… you can run, run away and never return… or you can take your place in the circle of life, surround yourself with idiots and be prepared.